Friday, February 4, 2011

Gift Guide: For The Owner Of A Lonely Heart

Valentine's Day can be one of the most miserable days of the year if you don't have someone to share it with. The very thought of being alone while all of those lovestruck saps snuggle and smooch might make some people want to run down the street screaming. Well, we have a few gift ideas for the owner of a lonely heart, complete with retro flashbacks.

Unfortunately, men may not always be as dependable as one might like. Our first suggestion is the gift of a Boyfriend in a Bottle. They are always right where you left them, require little food or water and fit nicely in your pocket when not needed. The best part is that it isn't really lying if you happen to tell your nosy aunt that, despite her fears, you do have a date for Valentine's.

*Please note, that a Girlfriend in a Bottle is also available since woman have proven themselves to be just as unreliable.

We have found that a healthy dose of Bonnie Tyler, whether via soundtrack or mixed tape, can help chase away your friend's agony. We must note that most any love ballad from the eighties will work. However, listening to Ms. Tyler can often lead to a sudden urge to dance foot loose in the kitchen- which has an added cardio bonus. For example please see Cate Blanchett in Bandits. She manages to pull off great hair while dicing and slicing, dancing and even evading the police.

It can be nice to remind those feeling the anguish of lost love that they are not alone. Even people in the 1950's were no strangers to having their heart squashed. It happened so often that they actually made this little card. Please Valentine, "I think your tweet, don't give me the bird."

A pair of Lolita-style sunglasses can be a thoughtful gift if there is a likely chance your friend will run across her recent ex. These can tide them over until they get their mojo back, and have the added benefit of hiding the green eyed monster or running mascara.

Brighten up her gloom with a little tube of red Dior lipstick. A fresh coat of paint on her toes can also do wonders and have her feeling better in no time.

no.4 - no.5
A little vino can help anyone get through V-day. Especially when combined with a quality dark chocolate or French Macaroons.
Oh, la la!

If your friend needs to be reminded of all the jerks she isn't really missing out on, may we suggest picking up a set of the ten worst pickup lines. They are good for more than a few hearty laughs.

Our last suggestion is to take some advice from Nancy Sinatra, these boots are made for walkin'. Perfect for getting over whatever, or whomever needed. Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!


Kristina Maxwell said...

Ha! This is great!

Janel said...

I love Bonnie Tyler! I guess I get that from my mother!

Ronda said...

OMG! Talk about 80's hair!!

farouche said...

This post has nearly every 80's flashback covered!

Miss Maggie said...

Too funny!!

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